I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
