Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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