EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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