i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
