I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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