Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We left the knife in your bed.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
