Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
