he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
