You smell like a Billy Joel song
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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