I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
