im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
