Having a random hookup so left but love u
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
