i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
