Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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