i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
