she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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