Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
