the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
