i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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