I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
