how hairy? two words: wookie tits
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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