Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
