thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
