So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
