You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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