I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
My vagina is very pro this idea
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
