Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
