my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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