i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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