I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
