Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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