I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
