whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
