My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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