I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
