Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
