Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
