just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
