we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
