I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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