i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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