I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
