My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
