can u get pink eye on your cock?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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