be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
