The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
