good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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