Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
