Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
