i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
