Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
