Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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