Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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