when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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