after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
