Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
