Umm I'm too high to move.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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